Gratitude and Thanks

Sometimes, it can be easy to focus on the deficits – – what we don’t have or what we are dissatisfied with in our lives.  When the list is long and full of difficult challenges, it can lead to feelings of defeat and depression.  A challenge may be to focus on the assets.  What are you grateful for in your life?  To whom could you give thanks?  What’s going well, or ‘okay enough’ that you could embrace and be proud of?  Consider keeping a daily gratitude journal that can serve to celebrate the positive events, people and accomplishments in your life.

A Gift to Yourself

‘Tis the season again – numerous holidays, family gatherings, plentiful feats and delicious treats and all that is happy, right?  (or maybe not).  For those who feel stressed, depressed, down due to the dark and cold days, or otherwise in a funk, please consider giving the following gift to yourself:

Nurturance.  Perhaps it’s a nap, a pedicure, quiet time spent with a favorite book or hobby, a phone call to a close friend or a few minutes sipping hot cocoa or tea by a fire … whatever your healthy indulgence, give yourself this gift of calm, soulful, positive nurturing.

“Stuck” is still a place to be…

Are you feeling STUCK?  Jammed into a rut and feel like you’re not going anywhere?  While being stuck is a place to be, and may be better than going backward, you can still work toward becoming unstuck.  Ask yourself, “What are the factors that are keeping me stuck?  Which ones can I change?  What is my plan to change them?”  Sometimes, I hear clients say, “It seems like every time I take a step forward, I later take a step back.”  If this is your situation, what I want to know is, “Which way are you facing – – are you still facing forward, striving for positive change and wellness?  Or have you turned around, seemingly given up on progress?”  Even if you are feeling stuck, keep your eyes focused forward and try hard not to give up on making changes . . . positive events can happen even if you aren’t expecting them!

Practice is Essential

It is likely that you have heard someone (perhaps a teacher or a parent) say Practice Makes Perfect!  And it is also likely that you may have rolled your eyes when you heard that for the tenth or one-hundredth time.  For the sake of an exercise, let’s focus not on making things “perfect” but on making them better.  One of the most effective means to make significant and long-lasting changes in life is to make repeated attempts at that change.  When you were younger, you didn’t learn how to ride a bike or jump rope by doing it once – – you learned how to master these fun skills by doing them repeatedly.  The reality is that practice is essential when we are interested in learning a new skill and having that skill become part of our life.  Take a look at what you are interested in learning at this point in your life, and see if you can carve away a little bit of time on a regular (weekly, if not daily) basis to practice . . . and then evaluate how far you have come over the course of a month!

Building Your Village

Eleanor Roosevelt, in her wisdom, said “It takes a village to raise a child.”  I believe our needs for a supportive, nurturing and challenging village extend decades beyond our childhood.  Perhaps the quote could be broadened to all ages with a slight modification, “It takes a village to empower us to our greatness.

As part of our village, we need to find villagers who challenge us in positive ways, support us in finding and strengthening our talents, motivate us to reach far and dream wide, cheer us on when we achieve our goals, inspire us to be the best that we can be and encourage us in our moments of defeat.  Your village may be small or large, it may be local or global, it may be focused in one area or have overlapping concentric circles to capture your many needs.  Whatever your village looks like, however it is constructed, wherever it exists, it will be up to you to build it and maintain its strength.  What can you do today that will boost your village and actualize you toward your greatness?

Facing Bad Events

Bad things happen in life.  You may not have planned for it and you may not deserve it.  But bad things happen anyway.  Many moons ago, one of my heroes gave me the following advice: “You may not be able to choose what or when something bad happens to you, but you are definitely in charge of how you respond to it.”

Do you curl up in a ball, pull the bedsheets up over your head and try to ignore the world passing you by?  Do you drink yourself to oblivion in an attempt to forget?  Do you impulsively retaliate against someone to try to even out the bad news?

Or do you take a few deep breaths, talk with a trusted person, vent and strategize how best to proceed?  I am not suggesting that taking this approach is easy.  In contrast, it can be very difficult depending on the size of the bad event or the duration of a series of bad luck.  But after years of working with clients and helping them navigate the bad news in their lives (as well as handling bad news in my own life), I am confident that it is more favorable in the long run to be thoughtful and methodical about how to proceed – – whether it be by no action at all, or by careful evaluation of what to do next.  After all, if bad events are unavoidable, don’t we deserve to make them the least damaging to our lives?

Is Recovery a Destination or a Journey?

I’m regularly asked what recovery looks like, whether it be recovery from depression, an eating disorder, a loss such as a divorce or a death, or other experiences.  I’m not certain that I have the perfect answer, but here is how I think about recovery.  I view recovery as a journey, not a destination.  What I mean by that is that you don’t get to the point of not having any symptoms (of depression, grief, anxiety or an eating disorder) or returning to your normal baseline functioning without having worked very tediously to get there, and likely needing to continue to work to maintain those gains!  Thus, while there is a time to celebrate the achievement of abstinence from symptoms, it is not a time to stop doing what you have been doing.  Rather, keep doing those things that have helped you!

Vulnerable

Most of us avoid this feeling.  We prefer to be comfortable and surrounded with people and places that are known to us.  The familiar does have its benefits.  However, in order for us to reach a greater potential, we need to journey outside of our comforts and be vulnerable.  Yes, that does mean that we might be scared or that we could inadvertently put ourselves in harm’s way.  Yet it also means that we could learn some news about ourself, such as a greater capacity for something.  For example, hiking a mountain might make me vulnerable to a variety of physical problems (e.g., sprained ankle, broken limb, altitude sickness) and it also places me in positive “risk” for feeling an amazing set of accomplishments (e.g., pride in making it to the top of the mountain, awe in what the body is capable of doing, breaking down previously-held assumptions related to sleeping on a mountain in a tent and sleeping bag!).  Certainly, we can take strides to reduce feeling too overwhelmed by involving trusted persons and planning methodical steps (not too large, not too little) in our changes.  Yet in order for the change to happen, it is not possible to completely avoid feeling vulnerable.  See what you can do to make a change and embrace the daring side of you, and navigate that vulnerability with confidence and style!

What is resilience?

Resilience is the ability to recover rapidly from illness, change, or misfortune.  Why does resilience matter?  Studies have shown that those individuals who are resilient can weather adversity pretty well and suffer fewer consequences from the adverse event (compared to less resilient individuals).  What is interesting is that resilience isn’t static – you can influence how resilient you are with your mindset.  When you are confronted with illness, change or misfortune, do you adopt a “woe is me” attitude and take a passive stance, or are you an active participant in your own life and work toward a rapid recovery?  Next time that you are confronted with a problem, ask yourself how you could be more resilient against a bad outcome and work toward persevering with strength!

Soaring to New Heights

Sometimes we need a push out of our nest in order to spread our wings and learn how to fly

Why should we leave our comfort zones?  Why not stick with those things that are familiar and known to us, and avoid taking risks?  Why not stay in the safety and security of home or that which is known to us?

… Because until we are challenged outside of our comfort zones, we may not know that we can soar high in the skies.  Is it time to take a note from the birds and kick yourself out of the comfortable, familiar nest to see if your life can take flight?