Sometimes we need a push out of our nest in order to spread our wings and learn how to fly . . .

Why should we leave our comfort zones? Why not stick with those things that are familiar and known to us, and avoid taking risks? Why not stay in the safety and security of home?

. . . Because unless we are challenged outside of our comfort zones, we may not know that we can soar high in the skies. Is it time to take a note from the birds and kick yourself out of the comfortable, familiar nest to see if your life can take flight?

Bad things happen in life. You may not have planned for it and you certainly may not deserve it. Yet bad things happen. One of my heroes told me, many moons ago, the following advice: "You may not be able to choose what or when something bad happens to you, but you are definitely in charge of how you respond to it."

Do you curl up into a ball, pull the sheets up over your head and try to ignore the world passing you by? Do you drink yourself to oblivion in an attempt to forget? Do you impulsively retaliate against someone to try to even out the bad news?

Or do you take a few deep breaths, talk with a trusted person, and strategize how best to proceed? I am not suggesting that taking this approach is easy. But after years of working with clients and helping them navigate the bad news in their lives (as well as handling bad news in my own life!), I am confident that it is more favorable in the long run to be thoughtful and methodical about how to proceed - - whether it be by no action at all, or by a careful evaluation of what to do next. Afterall, if bad events are unavoidable, don't we deserve to make them the least damaging to our lives?

As the story of the Starfish goes . . . (by Loren Eisley)

A violent storm battered the beach and left behind hundreds of starfish washed up on the shore. There were starfish as far as you could see. A boy walked down the beach and began throwing the starfish back into the ocean, one at a time. Soon a man walked up and asked, "What are you doing? You'll never get all these starfish back into the sea! You're wasting your time!"

The boy turned and bent down, picked up a starfish and threw it back into the ocean. He turned to look at the man and said, "It mattered to that one."

Today, whose life have you touched? Whose soul have you impacted? Be grateful that you have given so compassionately and generously.

Who has impacted you? Which person came into your life, and wonderfully threw you back into your ocean where you could have a chance to survive and thrive? Thank that person for the gift that she or he has given you.

Vulnerable. Most of us avoid this feeling. We prefer to be comfortable and surrounded with people and places that are known to use. The familiar does have its benefits. However, in order for us to reach a greater potential, we need to journey outside of our comforts and be vulnerable. Yes, that does mean that we might be subject to being scared or we could inadvertently put ourselves in harm's way. Yet it also means that we could learn some news about ourself, such as a greater capacity for something. For example, hiking a mountain might make me vulnerable to a variety of physical problems (e.g., sprained ankle, broken limb, altitude sickness) and it also places me in positive "risk" for feeling an amazing set of accomplishments (e.g., pride in making it to the top of the mountain, awe in what the body is capable of doing, breaking down previously-held assumptions related to sleeping on a mountain in a tent and sleeping bag!). When we plan for a change and the change has a desired outcome, feeling vulnerable is nearly inevitable. Certainly you can take strides to reduce feeling too overwhelmed by involving trusted persons and planning methodical steps (not too large, not too little) in your change. Yet in order for the change to happen, it is not possible to avoid the feeling of vulnerability. See what you can do to make a change and embrace the daring side of you, and navigate that vulnerability with style!

It is likely that you have heard someone (perhaps an annoying teacher or parent!) say, "Practice Makes Perfect!" And it is also likely that you may have rolled your eyes when you heard that for the tenth or one-hundredth time. For the sake of an exercise, let's focus not on making things "perfect" but making them better. One of the most effective means to make significant and long-lasting changes in life is to make repeated attempts at that change. When you were younger, you didn't learn how to ride a bike or jump rope by doing it once - - you learned how to master these fun skills by doing them repeatedly. [I add the caveat that when we were kids, we likely enjoyed learning how to ride a bike or jump rope so it didn't seem like work at the time.] The reality is that practice is essential when we are interested in learning a new skill and having that skill become part of our life. Take a look at what you are interested in learning at this point in your life, and see if you can carve away a little bit of time on a regular (weekly, if not daily) basis to practice . . . and then evaluate how far you have come over the course of a month!

I'm regularly asked what recovery looks like, whether it be recovery from depression, an eating disorder, a loss such as a divorce or a death, or similar experiences. I'm not certain that I have the perfect answer, but here is how I think about recovery. I view recovery as a journey, not a destination. What I mean by that is that you don't get to the point of not having any symptoms (of depression, grief, or an eating disorder) or returning to your normal baseline of functioning without having worked very tediously to get there! Thus, while it is a time to celebrate the achievement of abstinence it is not a time to stop doing what you have been doing. Rather, I believe it is quintessentially important to keep doing those things that have helped you!

You have probably heard the quote by Albert Einstein that "the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again." Certainly, many people want something to be different in their life. What they may underestimate is the amount of time, energy, deliberation and focus that goes into reshaping it. But do not lose hope...if you keep yourself focused on the ultimate goal but break the task down into smaller, manageable steps, change can happen! Consider this example: If you are hiking up a mountain, you can look up at the top of the mountain from time to time to remind yourself why you are exerting a tremendous amount of energy on the climb so that you can cheer once you reach the top. Yet in order to reach the top of the mountain you need to spend most of your time focused on the five feet in front of you so that you retain your footing and balance. If your eyes are constantly gazing at the top of the mountain, you may not "see" that you are getting very far and you may lose your balance and tumble back down. However, when your eyes bear witness to the steps that you have mastered and the distance you have already traversed, you may feel energized to keep going. Be purposeful in the alterations that you want to make in your life, yet break them down into smaller, more manageable parts in order to reduce the likelihood that you will become discouraged along the way.

This is one of many observations I've made about young adulthood and the transition to "independence." In our first 18 years of life, our goals are fairly structured. We go to school K-18, we have a part-time job, we date and obtain a driver's license, and we're supposed to get ready to emancipate from the family home. What lies beyond high school graduation (or perhaps past college graduation) is more ambiguous and challenging for some individuals to navigate. They find themselves asking questions like, "What do I do now? How do I know if I'm doing a good job? Everyone else is getting married and having kids.. but I'm not and does that mean I'm weird?" I think one key to getting through young adulthood with the fewest emotional scars is to have a plan that is your own - - to reframe the question "What do I do now" to "What do I WANT to do now... what is important to me in life... what do I want to accomplish... what is my own agenda and how do I achieve it?" This is a time to begin the transition from external (parents, teachers, coaches, friends, etc.) evaluations of worth to internal (yourself) standards. It may not be an easy transition, yet it is important to cultivate and own your future and that which is important to you.

Are you STUCK? Jammed into a rut and not going anywhere? While being stuck is a place to be, and may be better than going backward, you can still work toward becoming unstuck. Ask yourself, "what are the factors that are keeping me stuck - which ones can I change, and what is my plan to change them?" Sometimes I hear clients say, "It seems like every time I take a step forward, I later take a step back." If this is your situation, what I want to know is, "Which way are you facing - - are you facing forward, striving for positive change and recovery? Or have you turned around, seemingly given up on progress?" Even if you are feeling stuck, keep your eyes focused forward and try hard not to give up on making changes.... positive events may happen even if you aren't expecting them!!!

What is happening with the front page news? Where are the stories of people doing well in the face of adversity ... of peacefulness and humanity? Have we been trained only to respond to the wrong, the violent and the ugly . . . and forgotten how to embrace the good, the compassionate and the beautiful? Finding and celebrating strengths can be powerfully uplifting. What have you done lately that could be applauded? Take a few moments to relish in your goodness and strive to be more resilient against negativity, yours and that of others.

....the ability to recover rapidly from illness, change, or misfortune. Why does resilience matter? Studies have shown that those individuals who are resilient can weather adversity pretty well and suffer fewer consequences to the adverse event (compared to less resilient individuals). What is interesting is that resiliency isn't something that is static - you can influence how resilient you are with your mindset. When you are confronted with illness, change or misfortune, do you adopt a "woe is me" attitude and take a passive stance, or are you an active participant in your own life and work toward a rapid recovery? Next time that you are confronted with a problem, ask yourself how you could be more resilient against a bad outcome and work toward persevering with strength!

'Tis the season again - numerous holidays, family gatherings, plentiful feasts and delicious treats and all that is joyous, right? It is my wish for you that you have a happy and wonderful holiday season. But for those of you who feel stressed, depressed, down due to the dark and cold days, or otherwise in a funk, please consider giving the following gift to yourself.

NURTURE YOURSELF. Perhaps it's a nap, a pedicure, quiet time spent with a favorite book or hobby, a phone call to a close friend or a few moments sipping hot cocoa by a fire... whatever your indulgence, give yourself the gift of calm, soulful, positive nurturing.

I saw this quote today and thought it was very appropriate for some of what we confront in the health field. The saying is: "If you do not make time for health you will eventually have to make time for disease." I believe this quote is appropriate for both mental and physical health - that how we spend our time living our lives now directly influences how we will live our lives later. I regularly speak about the benefits of routine mental health practices - - adequate sleep, taking time out for calm / relaxation (such as with yoga, meditation, or prayer), setting boundaries around our most important commitments while ridding our lives of unnecessary distractions, etc - - and how they can impact optimal mental health functioning. Physical health practices, such as regular low-impact exercise, appropriate nutrition and hydration, good posture and abstinence from smoking and excessive alcohol use can also directly influence our bodies and quality of life.

Although I have no scientific evidence supporting this next assertion, I believe that the amount of time we spend focusing on good health now is a more efficient use of our time compared to dealing with diseases later. Furthermore, placing our efforts on good physical and mental health practices today may be enjoyable!!!! [Seriously, have you ever seen anyone enjoy going to dialysis, having radiation / chemotherapy, or suffering through heart disease?]

Ask yourself, "What am I doing regularly now to help maintain good health or even improve my health for later?"

Wellness is defined as the state or condition of being in good physical and mental health whereas illness is a disease or period of sickness affecting the body or mind. Looking at the spelling of these two words, the letters in common are the ones at the end ("llness"), yet quite interestingly, what differentiates these two words from one another are the beginning letters - WE versus I. WE*llness is often achieved by building a community of individuals (the "we") who can support our health, growth and strength. Yet when we become individually focused and do not involve others around us (the "I"), we may be prone to I*llness in that our internal focus may lead us astray in terms of our goals and we could become exhausted if we do not have those around us to guide, nurture, uplift, and empower us to reach greater heights. To be well, take a careful look around you to see who can be part of your team - who can support you - who may be able to help you reach your greatest potential - and involve them in your life so that you can achieve WE*llness.

Just as houses need to have a strong foundation in order to keep us sheltered from storms, each of us needs to have a strong foundation that we can build the rest of our life upon. What are the blocks of your foundation? How much sleep do you need each day to function at your fullest? Are you eating and hydrating properly so that your body is at peak performance? What daily activities help you to manage stress, such as taking a walk or having time-out during the day? How do you keep your spiritual needs nurtured? Do you live with honesty and integrity? What persons in your life help you to live a happy, productive and fulfilling life? Our physical, emotional and spiritual foundation is integral to help us get through the downs of life and to boost us during the ups and celebrations.

What are the foundation blocks that help you be strong in accomplishing your life goals and weathering life's expected and unexpected storms? What can you do on a daily basis to make sure that your foundation is as strong as possible?

If we evaluated life like an academic course, what would it take to earn an A? Instructors develop syllabi to help students conceptualize what work needs to be completed and what grades on tests and exams need to be achieved in order to get a good grade in the class. As the instructor of your own life, it can be very beneficial to develop an outline of how you could earn an A in your own life. Take a limited period of time, such as 3 months, and write down what you would need to accomplish in that period of time in order to earn that good grade. Make sure that your agenda includes only SMART goals (see 8/29/08 blog) - goals that are Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Reasonable, and Time-limited. Then break down those goals into smaller parts so that each week, perhaps each day, you can keep your focus on the immediate tasks at hand. Then at the end of the time period, go ahead and evaluate yourself - hopefully you will have earned that A!

Eleanor Roosevelt, in her wisdom, said "It takes a village to raise a child." I believe our needs for a supportive, nurturing and challenging village extend decades beyond our childhood. Perhaps the quote could be broadened to all ages with a slight modification, "It takes a village to empower us to our greatness."

As part of our village, we need to find villagers who challenge us in positive ways, support us in strengthening our talents, motivate us to reach far and dream wide, cheer us on when we achieve our goals, inspire us to be the best that we can be and encourage us in our moments of defeat. Your village may be small or large, it may be local or extend across the globe, it may be focused in one area or have overlapping concentric circles to capture your many needs. Whatever your village looks like, however it is constructed, wherever it exists, it will be up to you to build it and maintain its strength. What can you do today that will boost your village and actualize you toward your greatness?

There was some buzz a few months ago about self-esteem - too much versus too little - as a result of some comments made by Allan Josephson, MD, the chairman of the Family Committee of the American Association of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry. A number of clients asked questions about the idea that too much praise is problematic. Dr. Josephson asserts that children who are overly praised, particularly when the performance is not praise-worthy, may become dependent on positive external feedback, and also may be at risk for problems such as arrogance and entitlement, alcohol and drug use, bullying, and risky sexual behaviors. While not enough praise is problematic, too much praise (particularly in light of poor or average performance) may be problematic, too.

So you may now be asking yourself, what's the right balance in order to develop a healthy level of self-esteem? Josephson's belief is that healthy self-esteem is a combination of a) having parents, guardians and role models who are physically and emotionally available, with b) having those people set appropriate limits on behavior and help the individual develop autonomy.

He specifically suggests that adult role models try to establish healthy self-esteem in children in the following ways:
• Help children master the tasks associated with, and only with, each developmental stage, from infancy through young adulthood.
• Teach young children to control their impulses and respect the rights of others.
• Reward and applaud true accomplishments; praising every little thing may lead to a constant ned for praise.
• Set limits and stick to them, explaining why a specific action or behavior has a specific consequence.
• Help teens develop autonomy; do not coddle or overprotect them, or unfortunately it may come at their expense.

Goals can be excellent things for us to have. They can guide us toward our future, toward changes that we want to make, and toward accomplishments we seek to achieve. But goals can also set us up for defeat if they are too lofty. Ideally, goals should be "smart" goals. What do I mean by that?

S = Specific
M = Measurable
A = Achievable
R = Reasonable
T = Time-limited

For example, someone could have a goal such as "I want ten thousand dollars for a house downpayment." Without a reasonable plan, it might seem daunting and frustrating on a daily basis to think about the $10,000 that you want, but not have a good solid plan for obtaining it or demonstrate any progress toward having it.

A "smart" goal might be something like "I plan to place $200 each month into an interest-earning, low-risk account. In 4 years, I should have accumulated the ten thousand dollars for my downpayment on a house." The second goal, of saving $200/month over a period of 4 years, is very specific, is measurable in the number of dollars, might be achievable with the correct budgeting, is reasonable and not too lofty, and has a time-limit, thus making it a "smart" goal.

When you set goals for yourself, use the acronym above to guide you toward setting goals that are SMART, and then have fun achieving those goals!

I went to spectate the Lifetime Fitness Triathlon today to cheer on several friends (male and female) who were competing in the event - - they are not pro athletes but are looking to challenge themselves, their bodies, and particularly their minds. I expected to see men and women of all different ages, body types and shapes, and varying levels of training programs, striving to complete the event and perhaps achieve a personal best. What I did not anticipate was the young boy (I estimate that he was about 12-13 years of age) clicking off a 5.5 minute mile (speedy!), the emotions of the relay teams and individuals supporting charities and causes held so important to them, and the one sight that captured the day for me... the sight of one particular woman crossing the finish line... the woman whose left leg was amputated below the knee and who was racing with a prosthetic, who finished strong, and had the most glorious look of accomplishment on her face as she crossed the line of race completion.

This woman signified to me the strength of our human resolve. I don't know anything about her, but I stood in awe (cheering, of course!) because she had completed a triathlon with a circumstance that might have been an impasse to some, yet was only a hurdle to her.

Can we choose to make things that seem like barriers only obstacles? Perhaps not with all circumstances. Yet with determination, a solid plan and fans cheering us on, perhaps we can find that some of life's "dead ends" are not ends at all, but are challenges we can overcome.

What kinds of results do you want for your life? What do you want to be different than it is right now? Results can be thought of as a simple equation:

RESULTS = MOTIVATION x ACTIONS

If you have a lot of motivation toward change, but aren't taking any action, you aren't likely to glean any results. How does that work? Well, remember from our arithmetic days that the product of any number and 0 is 0, so if your actions are a '0' then you are going to have '0' results. Similarly, if you have no motivation to change, you aren't going to have any results. Your best strategy to achieve the results that you want is to make sure you are motivated in the proper direction, and then take action toward achieving those results. Having only half of the equation is going to net you a zero. But if you have a lot of motivation and are taking a number of correct actions, you will reap the rewards of significant results. Go get 'em!!!

Can't find the spring in your step? Lliving a life that doesn't seem to be going anywhere? Consider choosing to add something to your life that would increase its value. Are you missing out in relationships with depth, in your spiritual connections, in giving to others or nurturing yourself? Are you spending hours in a job that is inconsistent with your personal goals or morals? The business world speaks often of "value added" in terms of production - at each stage of the production process, they want to understand what value is added at that particular time. Consider the same for your life. Given where you are at in your life at this very moment, what is the next piece of value that you could add to your life? Make sure it's manageable and able to be accomplished so that you can glean from that value and move forward with a little more spring in your step.

Did you know that thinking privately about happy moments may not only provide additional boost to your mood but also be a better way of staying happy than writing about or analyzing these joys? In an elegantly-designed study published in 2006 in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, Dr. Lyubomirsky and colleagues asked participants to identify one of the happiest days they had ever experienced, and then instructed them in one of the following conditions: a) think about the positive life experience and replay it over and over; b) think about the positive life experience and analyze their thoughts; c) write about the positive life experience over and over as if rewinding and replaying a cassette tape; or d) write about the positive life experience and analyze the event. Each participant was asked to engage in their particular condition for 15 minutes for 3 days, and then participants were re-evaluated four weeks later. Can you guess what the researchers found? They found that long-term positive affect (continuing to feel happiness, joy, etc.) four weeks later was most profound for condition A, where participants thought about the positive life experience, replaying it over and over without analyzing it.

What does this mean for you? Thinking and reminiscing about your positive life events, your joys, your triumphs, your 'happy thoughts' on a regular basis can help sustain your good mood. Try to avoid analyzing the good event, just relish in it. Just like Peter Pan in the movie Hook, perhaps finding your happy thoughts will give you the strength to fly.

The University of Michigan's World Values Surveys has been keeping track of happiness in different countries across the globe for over 20 years. No surprise, the United States didn't make the top of the list. In fact, their research has shown that at any point in time, one-fourth of Americans are mildly depressed. Yet there is some very interesting research (see Lichter, Haye & Kammann, 1980, New Zealand Psychologist article "Increasing happiness through cognitive retraining") that shows that we may be able to increase our happiness in only ten minutes per day! Two groups were compared: one was asked to discuss happiness-relevant issues and the other was asked to recite happiness-increasing affirmations for ten minutes each morning. Both groups reported an increase in happiness by 25%. I think this is another amazing and fascinating example of how significant our thoughts are toward our mental health. Are you ready to give ten minutes of your day to feel more happy?

Kids seem to learn something new all the time (sometimes they learn things we don't want them to know, but that's not the point!). Part of this learning comes from their willingness to try over and over again. I'm reminded of this every time I go downhill skiing. Mountains that look daunting to me are tackled with ease by the 'mogul mice' on the same run. The kids don't seem to be thinking about all of the painful things that could happen if they fall or ram into the towering aspens and pines - - the kids look pretty fearless. They are living in the moment, breathing the crisp air, enjoying the great outdoors, and having fun. Before the sun passes behind the mountain peaks, they may go down the same short run 100 times in order to master their balance, speed, and direction. They are tenacious. It seems to me that as we age we can become impatient, wanting new skills and lessons to come more quickly and easily than they do. Yet impatience can lead to significant frustration. Perhaps, in our curiosity of the world, we can remind ourselves that our persistence in trying new things may pay off in the future, but that we need to give it ample time.

A river cuts through rock, not because of its power, but because of its persistence. - - Jim Watkins

I recently had a conversation with a client during which we were talking about how long and overwhelming life's list of tasks can be. She was starting to come to the conclusion that it wasn't worthwhile - that for every one thing she might work on, several more crept up and perhaps it wasn't worth trying anymore. Her despair and fatigue were palpable. I asked her if she knew the Story of the Starfish, and a sly smile crept across her face as she and I both recited parts of the message behind this story. I share it here as inspiration for us to continue on, even when life seems daunting, because we can make a difference.

The Star Thrower (adapted, by Loren Eiseley)

One day a wise man was walking along the shore; as he looked down the beach, he saw a human figure moving like a dancer. He smiled to himself to think of someone who would dance to the day, so he began to walk faster to catch up. As he got closer, he saw that it was a young man and the young man wasn't dancing, but instead, he was reaching down to the shore, picking up something and very gently throwing it into the ocean.

As he got closer he called out, "Good morning! What are you doing?" The young man paused, looked up and replied, "Throwing Starfish into the ocean."

"I guess I should have asked; why are you throwing Starfish into the ocean?"

"The sun is up and the tide is going out and if I don't throw them in they'll die."

"But young man, don't you realize that there are miles and miles of beach and Starfish all along it, you can't possibly make a difference!"

The young man listened politely, then bent down, picked up another Starfish and threw it into the sea, past the breaking waves. "It made a difference for that one."

Do you remember learning how to ride a bicycle? If you were like me, you didn't jump on a 2-wheel bike right away. Perhaps you had a Big Wheel or a tricycle, which offered stability while having fun. After a period of time and mastery of the 3-wheeler, perhaps you advanced to your first 2-wheel bicycle (equipped with training wheels), which provided stability while allowing you to experience how to balance. Maybe the next step was to flip up the training wheels before someone eventually took them off completely. Each of these steps afforded you the opportunity to have great fun while providing a gradual reduction in protection while you were learning how to balance, steer, accelerate and brake.

Many of life's lessons are learned through the same model of risk and protection. Sure, you could learn about how to ride a bike from reading a book, but until you get out there and try it for yourself, the full lesson is not likely to be realized.

Calculated risks are a pathway to growth and learning. We must challenge ourselves with new experiences in order to grow and reach our fullest capacity.

It's rare that I get to blog on leap day - what fun! Let's do something special and unique to celebrate this precious 'extra' day that we get. Let's 'leap for joy' - but what is joy? Here are some quotes that describe others' definitions of joy:

Joy is prayer - joy is strength - joy is love - joy is a net of love by which you can catch souls. - - Mother Theresa

I define joy as a sustained sense of well-being and internal peace - a connection to what matters. - - Oprah Winfrey

Learning to live in the present moment is part of the path of joy. - - Sarah Ban Breathnach

There is no greater joy nor greater reward than to make a fundamental difference in someone's life. - - Sister Mary Rose McGeady

We could never learn to be brave and patient, if there were only joy in the world. - - Helen Keller

What I glean from the aggregate of these quotes is that joy is palpable because we have known hardship yet is always within us, is felt in our meaningful connections with others, and is enhanced when we positively affect the lives of those around us including the lives of you and of me.

So be courageous on this special day and seek out some joy. Be still in your soul and true to yourself and your health. Find that warm, valuable, mattering spot in your heart and identify one way that you could bring joy to your life. See what happens when you act on it!

Perhaps you have heard the saying, "If at first you don't succeed, try, try again." Being vigilant and determined are significant factors in achieving growth and change in mental health. If we don't try new approaches to our life, different ways of relating, and changes to old habits, we can stay stuck, remain stagnant. Although it may be a challenge to muster the courage to try something new, keep the following quote in mind .... Triumph is just "umph" added to try. - - Author Unknown

It starts early .... like when you skin your knee and someone kisses it "all better," color a picture that is hung on the front of the refrigerator, or get to choose a special meal on a birthday. Perhaps it's a little note inside the lunchbox or a card in the mail for no reason at all other than "just because..." Acts like these can help us feel as though we matter - that we are important and significant enough for someone to take notice and do something that makes us feel special. Identify the people in your life who make you feel as though you are important and spend time with them. After all, you do matter.

In the movie Titanic, Jack directs Rose to "Make it count." Whether your life ahead of you is long or short, try to live each day to its fullest. Extend your reach for the shiny brass ring on the carousel of life. Your life is your own. Live it passionately. Savor authentic relationships. Relish in intellectual curiosity. Celebrate the miracles of the moments. Find joy and contentment.

I've been struck by the paralyzing force - the incapacitating nature - of indecision. Immobilizing acts such as looking for the best job, the perfect partner, or the optimal career path can lead to emotional debilitation. Sometimes, people are mired down by numerous imperfect options, and subsequently choose nothing. No action; only stagnation. Choosing a new path, especially when 'imperfect,' may feel uncomfortable, yet it is an important step toward learning what you like, what you don't, and how to progress. It also teaches us of our amazing capacities to be more than we may have anticipated we could be.

"Be bold and courageous. When you look back on your life, you will regret the things you didn't do more than the ones you did." - - H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

Sometimes, it can be easy to focus on the deficits - what we don't have or what we are dissatisfied about in our lives. When the list is long and full of difficult challenges, it can lead to feelings of defeat and depression. A challenge may be to focus on the assets. What are you grateful for in your life? To whom could you give thanks? What's going well, or 'okay', that you can embrace, be proud of? Consider keeping a daily gratitude journal that can serve to celebrate the positive events, people and accomplishments in your life.

Pretend that your life is a company, and you are the Chief Executive Officer. In the CEO role, you take note of the people and activities that serve the company well, helping it to progress and succeed. You also identify those factors that are challenges or obstacles for the company. In your position as CEO of your life, what components of your company should you keep, perhaps even emphasize and strengthen? What challenges or obstacles should you work toward eliminating? Take steps toward leading your life toward further success and happiness.

"Trust yourself. Create the kind of self that you will be happy to live with all your life. Make the most of yourself by fanning the tiny, inner sparks of possibility into flames of achievement!" - - Golda Meir

Words to ponder:
"Life is difficult. This is a great truth, one of the greatest truths. It is a great truth because once we truly see this truth, we transcend it. Once we truly know that life is difficult - once we truly understand and accept it - then life is no longer difficult. Because once it is accepted, the fact that life is difficult no longer matters." - - M. Scott Peck

It's not uncommon for me to hear people struggle with balancing their own needs and those of others. Some err on the side of being highly self-focused while others veer more toward being a caretaker. But an extreme caretaking role can be a problem because you can lose sight of the importance of tending to your own needs. If you've ever flown in an airplane and listened to the safety instructions prior to take-off, you've been instructed on something like this: "In the event of a loss of cabin pressure, oxygen masks will drop down. Please secure your own oxygen mask before assisting those around you." Essentially this is stressing to us that we are less able, perhaps fully unable, to help others when we are gasping for air (overwhelmed, overcommitted, stressed, physically or mentally compromised). So, it's important to take care of yourself - not only for your own good, but so that you can be available to help others as well.

All of us have a history - some more challenging or strained than others. While history has an impact on how we develop and what we've experienced, it does not have to control who we become. You may not be responsible for your past, but you are responsible for what you do in the present, how you interact with the world, and who you aspire to be.

I learned how to swim this year. Not because I really wanted to, but because I was dragooned by a friend to do a triathlon with her before I realized that I didn't know how to swim (panic!).

To confront significant emotions (fear, sadness, insecurity, etc) and learn how to tolerate them is an important task. Our ability to hang in with a feeling teaches us that the feeling itself is manageable (thus giving us more power and control than the emotion), and can give us the time to devise a plan of action that is safe and productive.

Here are some of the basic elements of learning something new:

1. Get a coach, someone to guide you.
2. Have fans - people to cheer you on and encourage you.
3. Develop a plan (e.g., what will you try, when, who will support you).
4. Take it slow, be patient.
5. Practice, practice, practice.
6. Celebrate each accomplishment, no matter how large or small.

In an amazing and thought-provoking talk at the TED (Technology, Entertainment, Design) conference in February 2006, Sir Ken Robinson asserted his beliefs on how typical education systems are teaching children OUT of being creative. "If you're not prepared to be wrong, you will never come up with anything original." This is a powerful talk that addresses some of the challenges and opportunities within education, with strong emphasis on the importance of empowering creativity. Although the discussion emphasizes education of youth, I believe that the main messages are applicable to individuals of all ages.

Click here to view Sir Ken Robinson's talk (20 minutes in length).