This is one of many observations I've made about young adulthood and the transition to "independence." In our first 18 years of life, our goals are fairly structured. We go to school K-18, we have a part-time job, we date and obtain a driver's license, and we're supposed to get ready to emancipate from the family home. What lies beyond high school graduation (or perhaps past college graduation) is more ambiguous and challenging for some individuals to navigate. They find themselves asking questions like, "What do I do now? How do I know if I'm doing a good job? Everyone else is getting married and having kids.. but I'm not and does that mean I'm weird?" I think one key to getting through young adulthood with the fewest emotional scars is to have a plan that is your own - - to reframe the question "What do I do now" to "What do I WANT to do now... what is important to me in life... what do I want to accomplish... what is my own agenda and how do I achieve it?" This is a time to begin the transition from external (parents, teachers, coaches, friends, etc.) evaluations of worth to internal (yourself) standards. It may not be an easy transition, yet it is important to cultivate and own your future and that which is important to you.

Are you STUCK? Jammed into a rut and not going anywhere? While being stuck is a place to be, and may be better than going backward, you can still work toward becoming unstuck. Ask yourself, "what are the factors that are keeping me stuck - which ones can I change, and what is my plan to change them?" Sometimes I hear clients say, "It seems like every time I take a step forward, I later take a step back." If this is your situation, what I want to know is, "Which way are you facing - - are you facing forward, striving for positive change and recovery? Or have you turned around, seemingly given up on progress?" Even if you are feeling stuck, keep your eyes focused forward and try hard not to give up on making changes.... positive events may happen even if you aren't expecting them!!!

What is happening with the front page news? Where are the stories of people doing well in the face of adversity ... of peacefulness and humanity? Have we been trained only to respond to the wrong, the violent and the ugly . . . and forgotten how to embrace the good, the compassionate and the beautiful? Finding and celebrating strengths can be powerfully uplifting. What have you done lately that could be applauded? Take a few moments to relish in your goodness and strive to be more resilient against negativity, yours and that of others.

....the ability to recover rapidly from illness, change, or misfortune. Why does resilience matter? Studies have shown that those individuals who are resilient can weather adversity pretty well and suffer fewer consequences to the adverse event (compared to less resilient individuals). What is interesting is that resiliency isn't something that is static - you can influence how resilient you are with your mindset. When you are confronted with illness, change or misfortune, do you adopt a "woe is me" attitude and take a passive stance, or are you an active participant in your own life and work toward a rapid recovery? Next time that you are confronted with a problem, ask yourself how you could be more resilient against a bad outcome and work toward persevering with strength!