Setting Boundaries

I experienced an incident this week that reminded me to write on setting boundaries. I was out for a walk and running short on time when I was approached by a reporter and cameraman for a local news station. Before the reporter could ask her question, I said to her, "I'm sorry, but I'm busy with something else right now and don't have time for questions" and continued walking. She reacted quite negatively, throwing her hands into the air with a huff and loudly exclaiming "Well, S O R R Y to intrude upon your walk! I just wanted to ask you one question about the construction!"

When we set boundaries that are reasonable for us, it does not mean that others will receive it well or respect the boundary. Yet it is important for us to maintain our personal boundaries, not giving in to others who display disrespect or disagree with the limit that you have set. Furthermore, if you identify people in your life who regularly disrespect the boundaries that you set, perhaps the boundary needs to be larger and stronger by choosing not to be around those individuals.

One way to evaluate if your boundaries seem to be reasonable is to play the "third party person" twist. Imagine that a friend of yours is telling you that he or she set this boundary with someone else. What would you think of that boundary for them? Does it seem reasonable, logical, and appropriate? If so, it's likely that the same boundary is reasonable, logical and appropriate for your use as well. Try some boundaries on and see how they feel for you (it can be nerve-wracking at first if you are not used to it, but with time it should become easier).

Screening for Eating Disorders

If you have concerns about eating and weight/shape that might warrant treatment, please answer the questions below. These five questions are from the SCOFF (Morgan, Reid & Lacey, 1999) questionnaire. If you answer "yes" to two or more of these questions, your eating, weight and shape concerns could benefit from treatment.

• Do you make yourself sick because you feel uncomfortably full?
• Do you worry you have lost control over how much you eat?
• Have you recently lost more than 14 pounds in a three month period?
• Do you believe yourself to be fat when others say you are thin?
• Would you say that food dominates your life?

These screening questions are available for printing here.