What can you do if you or someone you care about is in an unhealthy dating relationship?

• Know the warning signs of an abusive boyfriend or girlfriend! They are someone who may be jealous and possessive, make fun of you or threaten you in public or by email/phone/text/facebook wall, tell you what to do, have an explosive temper and be prone to severe mood swings, prevent you from doing things you want to do or seeing/communicating with friends/family, exert financial control within the relationship, have a history of violence, and/or "check up" repeatedly on where you are, your conversations by phone/email/text.

• Listen to the person vent about the relationship and help them see the problems, or if you are in that relationship please turn for help. Violence in a relationship should not be tolerated. Someone who is an abuser is likely to abuse again, no matter how often they apologize and promise to stop, or how much they try to "make it up."

• Be a role model for healthy relationships. Advocate against violence in relationships by starting with your own relationship - choose a partner with whom you can truly be a partner, not a possession. Look for open communication, companionship, compassion, and the right to say "no" to things that don't fit how you want your relationships to be.

• Develop an "exit strategy" for getting out of the relationship. This may include obtaining a restraining order, informing many family and friends that you are getting out of the relationship and telling them what they can do to help, and developing a plan for what you will do in the likely event that the violence escalates during the course of the break up. Plan carefully for how you will break up, who will be there for you for protection, and how you will be safe.

• Know that you deserve better. Healthy relationships are for everyone. Believe in yourself and that you can find someone who will treat you right!

Dating violence is considered a significant yet nonspecific risk factor for a host of implications to one's overall health. What does that mean? The 'significant' part means that research has regularly demonstrated that individuals who have been violated by a dating partner are more likely than those who have not been violated by a dating partner to report these problems. However, the 'nonspecific' part means that we don't know which problems might occur for one person who has been violated by a dating partner versus another.

Here are some of the highly concerning health implications that are associated with dating violence:
• dieting • disordered eating behaviors such as using laxatives, diet pills, or self-induced vomiting • binge-eating • suicidal thoughts • suicide attempts • poorer psychological health • depression • anxiety •  lower self-esteem • poorer quality of life •  overall dissatisfaction with life and with friends • poor perceived physical health •  cigarette smoking • use or abuse of alcohol and drugs • high-risk sexual behaviors that could lead to unwanted pregnancy or sexually transmitted infections

So why don't more youth exit these relationships if these violent relationships have such negative implications? One reason is because they have been threatened - We know that nearly 50% of girls and boys who have experienced both physical and sexual dating violence report staying in the relationship out of fear of physical harm! (Ackard, Neumark-Sztainer & Hannan, 2003). Another reason pertains to the interpretation of the violence - Only 5% of adolescents thought that violence signified hate, whereas approximately 1 in 3 interpreted violence as love (Henton et al., 1983). Finally, only 32% of male and 44% of female adolescents who report dating violence seek help (Ashley & Foshee, 2005) and the health care community is not adequately screening for these problems - Only 12% of boys and 13% of girls reported that their health care provider has ever asked about any type of physical or sexual abuse (Ackard & Neumark-Sztainer, 2001).

Sparked by a flurry of news stories about significant domestic violence in the relationship of celebrities Chris Brown and Rihanna, the issue of dating violence has been in the spotlight recently. Dating violence has significant deleterious effects on the overall health and well-being of individuals, and it is important that we understand fully the facts pertaining to this issue. First and foremost is understanding the definition of dating violence and that it can take the form of emotional, physical, or sexual abuse - it does not have to leave a physical mark in order for it to be abuse.

• Emotional dating violence means saying or doing something to the other person that causes that person to be fearful or have lower self-esteem (examples include manipulation, name-calling, insults, threats and intimidating acts, spreading rumors, guilting the other person).

• Physical dating violence is defined as any intentional unwanted contact with the other person's body, including but not limited to slapping, shoving, pushing, kicking, pulling hair, burning, biting, choking and scratching.

• Sexual dating violence includes unwanted sexual behaviors that interfere with the other person's right to say "no" to sexual advances. This includes unwanted kissing or touching, unwanted rough or violent sexual activity, not letting someone use birth control or protection against sexually transmitted infections, forcing someone to go further sexually than he or she wants to, and date rape.