It's Magic! (or maybe not)

Sometimes we hold magical beliefs. Such as, "If I brush my hair 100 strokes each day, then a hurricane won't hit where I live." And because no hurricane has hit where I live, I may believe that brushing my hair this much is working to keep me safe, and so I continue to brush my hair excessively to prevent a hurricane from hitting my home.

The problem with magical beliefs is that associations between two events can look
real for no good reason. In the extreme example above, the more likely explanation for my hurricane "protection" is that I live in Minnesota and there has never been a hurricane in this area during my lifetime! If I were to test this magical belief, I would need to stop brushing my hair as often, perhaps not brushing my hair at all for a year or two, and evaluate whether a hurricane would then come to Minnesota.

The benefit to testing beliefs, and evaluating if they are magical is to break out of keeping ourselves confined to a narrower life, and break from thinking we are protected when we may not be.

Let's consider another example. A woman believes that by wearing several layers of clothing, even in hot weather, she is protected from a dog attack. She reviews history and notes that she has not been attacked by a dog since she started wearing extra clothing. She could become inappropriately "too comfortable" around dogs, thinking that the extra layers will protect her. As a consequence, she could inadvertently put herself in harm's way around an aggressive dog. To test the association between clothing and dog attacks, it would
not be wise to put her in front of unruly attack dogs while wearing extra layers, but rather to help her wear more appropriate layers of clothing and practice caution around dogs she does not know or does not trust.

We should know whether beliefs in our life are based on facts. Knowing this information guides us to better decision-making, and can release us from a life that is suffocatingly narrow or unnecessarily risky.

Soaring To New Heights

Sometimes we need a push out of our nest in order to spread our wings and learn how to fly . . .

Why should we leave our comfort zones? Why not stick with those things that are familiar and known to us, and avoid taking risks? Why not stay in the safety and security of home?

. . . Because unless we are challenged outside of our comfort zones, we may not know that we can soar high in the skies. Is it time to take a note from the birds and kick yourself out of the comfortable, familiar nest to see if your life can take flight?

Facing Bad Events.

Bad things happen in life. You may not have planned for it and you certainly may not deserve it. Yet bad things happen. One of my heroes told me, many moons ago, the following advice: "You may not be able to choose what or when something bad happens to you, but you are definitely in charge of how you respond to it."

Do you curl up into a ball, pull the sheets up over your head and try to ignore the world passing you by? Do you drink yourself to oblivion in an attempt to forget? Do you impulsively retaliate against someone to try to even out the bad news?

Or do you take a few deep breaths, talk with a trusted person, and strategize how best to proceed? I am not suggesting that taking this approach is easy. But after years of working with clients and helping them navigate the bad news in their lives (as well as handling bad news in my own life!), I am confident that it is more favorable in the long run to be thoughtful and methodical about how to proceed - - whether it be by no action at all, or by a careful evaluation of what to do next. Afterall, if bad events are unavoidable, don't we deserve to make them the least damaging to our lives?