In our first 18 years of life, our goals are fairly structured.  We go to school, we have a part-time job, we develop relationships and obtain a driver’s license, and we’re supposed to get ready to emancipate from the family home.  What lies beyond high school graduation (or perhaps past college graduation) is more ambiguous and challenging for some individuals to navigate.  They find themselves asking questions like, “What do I do now?  How do I know if I’m doing a good job?  Everyone else has graduated, is getting married and having kids, and I haven’t.  Does that mean something is wrong with me?”

I think one key to getting through young adulthood with the fewest emotional scars is to have a plan that is your own.  Reframe the question “What do I do now?” to “What do I WANT to do now?  What is important to me in life?  What do I want to accomplish?  What is my own agenda and how do I get there?”  This is a time to begin the transition from external sources of influence (parents, teachers, coaches, friends, etc.) to internal standards (where you are the guide).  It may not be an easy transition, yet it is important to cultivate and own your future and that which is important to you.

The University of Michigan’s World Values Survey has been keeping track of happiness in different countries across the globe for over 20 years.  No surprise, the United States didn’t make the top of the list.  In fact, their research has shown that at any point in time, one-fourth of American’s are mildly depressed.  Yet there is some very interesting research (se Lichter, Haye & Kammann, 1980, New Zealand Psychologist article “Increasing happiness through cognitive retraining”) that shows that we may be able to increase our happiness in only ten minutes per day!  Two groups were compared: one was asked to discuss happiness-relevant issues and the other was asked to recite happiness-increasing affirmations for ten minutes each day.  Both groups reported an increase in happiness by 25%.  I think this is another amazing and fascinating example of how significant our thoughts are toward our mental health.  Are you ready to give ten minutes of your day to feel more happy?

You have probably heard the quote by Albert Einstein that “the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again.”  Certainly, many people want something to be different in their life.  What they may underestimate is the amount of time, energy, deliberation and focus that goes into reshaping life.  If you keep yourself focused on the ultimate goal but break down the task into smaller, manageable steps, change can happen!  Consider this example: If you are hiking a mountain, you can look up at the top of the mountain from time to time to remind yourself why you are exerting a tremendous amount of energy on the climb so that you can cheer once you reach the top.  Yet in order to reach the top of the mountain you need to spend most of your time focused on the five or so feet in front of you so that you retain your footing and balance.  If your eyes are constantly gazing at the top of the mountain, you may not “see” that you are getting very far and you may lose your balance and tumble backward.  However, when your eyes bear witness to the steps that you have mastered and the distance you have already traversed, you may feel energized to keep going.  Be purposeful in the alterations that you want to make in your life, yet break them down into smaller, more manageable parts in order to reduce the likelihood that you will become discouraged along the way.

Sometimes, it can be easy to focus on the deficits – – what we don’t have or what we are dissatisfied with in our lives.  When the list is long and full of difficult challenges, it can lead to feelings of defeat and depression.  A challenge may be to focus on the assets.  What are you grateful for in your life?  To whom could you give thanks?  What’s going well, or ‘okay enough’ that you could embrace and be proud of?  Consider keeping a daily gratitude journal that can serve to celebrate the positive events, people and accomplishments in your life.